Updated: Sep 9
Living the life you want with comfort in your body, joy in your relationships and success in your career, is for you. You are worthy. It is time. As I shared in part 1 of the Formula For A Life You Love series, once you have clarity about what you want, the rest is just skill building, practice and love. I know, I make it sound so easy. Please hear me out. Your whole life you have been trying new things. You didn’t know how to walk, then you did. You didn’t know how to drive, then you did. You didn’t know how to work, then you did. What were the steps? You got clear about what you wanted or needed to do. Then you jumped in and learned how to do it until you were doing it. I know, simple. Creating a life you love is no different. You are not broken, a bad person, or doing life wrong if you haven’t been able to create the changes you want. We stay stuck because we don’t have the skills we need to close the gap between surviving our life and living the full and better version of our life. So, we settle. You aren’t incapable, you just need new skills! The problem is that we have this belief that we are supposed to innately know how to create change, and that we just need to throw in some motivation and discipline and we’re good. Not so much. By the time we graduate from high school, we have spent approximately 16,380 hours in school learning to read, write, work math equations, review history, and burn things with a Bunsen burner (sorry Mr. White). We have built structural skills to live our life. That’s a blessing as it gets us “out there” into the real world. The real world then presents all sorts of unique issues and it’s go time. Except, we haven’t built those specific skills and we are left with questions like…
How do I handle all of these thoughts and emotions?
How do I handle self-doubt and grow confidence?
I learned how to be persuasive in debate class, but I didn’t learn how to listen and communicate with someone to build connection. Now what do I do?
Uh…good question. If you want to golf, you learn how to putt and drive. If you want to sky dive, you learn to jump from a plane safely. Here’s the leap...
If you want more connected relationships, you learn how to be vulnerable and how to listen.
If you want to feel healthier, you learn how to fuel your body appropriately with healthy food, exercise, sleep and water. You also learn self-compassion (that’s a topic for another day).
For now, just get clear about what you want and ask yourself what skill you need to close the gap. Don’t make your stuckness about being incapable. Be brave and admit you just don’t know how to do something differently. That’s the hardest part, and an incredible sign of strength. Here are those simple questions again:
What do I want in my life, body, career, relationships that I don’t have?
What would I need to know how to do in order to have them?
You’ve got this. We’ve got this. Clarity + Skills + Practice + Love
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